Why am I ................????
Am I a stranger? I don't know. But, thats what I feel. Maybe, thats what I think the others feel. This is a strange feeling. There were many instances before when I didn't enjoy life, got sick of life. But, this feeling is still new to me. Maybe, there are people who like me or want to be with me, but I either can't find them or maybe I don't like to be with them. I have thought many times if I have taken the right path in life, I think I did. I've always done whatever seemed natural, I never enjoyed tricks, not even in maths. I trust my instincts and use my brains when necessary. I'm very patient, optimistic and usually do not lose hope. Then, why am I depressed? I have no clue. Am I really different from the people around me? I'm a foreigner here and also a foreigner back home since I stay in a foreign country. The point is I'm neither the fun-loving guy who likes to chill out in bars every weekend nor am I the the conservative guy who doesn't like interacting with people from different social background. Even as a child, I had been a stranger to my schoolmates. Some of them wanted to play a lot, others wanted to do very well in exams. I didn't want any, but i did want to acquire more and more knowledge, learn things that my friends didn't know, things that were not (yet) taught in school.
I've always loved the sun, and the moon. They've always been with me. I always felt that one of the most interesting parts of living in this world is that there is full moon every month. Does anybody else not feel like this? Doesn't the sparkling dewdrops on the grasses, the heavenly light of the full moon falling on lonely trees, the flowing of water, the rising sun, the colorful trees, the playful squirrels, the singing of birds, the sweet romantic melodies make everyone feel perpetual happiness? I guess they don't. Maybe, they never feel like me. But, why should they not like me? Maybe, they do like me, but don't want to come close to me. I fail to understand why?
I'm clueless and hopeless. But, without hope, life has no meaning. I don't know what to hope for. Why is the future so unpredictable? Why do people believe in God? Is it something that cowards do, or can one gain wisdom through it? Is it pointless to believe in the Almighty, as it seems through logic? I don't believe in logical reasoning. But, I always reason logically, and I'm good at it. I don't know what I believe in, what my problem is. Maybe, I'm obsessed with myself. But, how do I get rid of this dark slumber?
I don't know where to end. So, I'll stop here, till I find answers to some of my questions.
I've always loved the sun, and the moon. They've always been with me. I always felt that one of the most interesting parts of living in this world is that there is full moon every month. Does anybody else not feel like this? Doesn't the sparkling dewdrops on the grasses, the heavenly light of the full moon falling on lonely trees, the flowing of water, the rising sun, the colorful trees, the playful squirrels, the singing of birds, the sweet romantic melodies make everyone feel perpetual happiness? I guess they don't. Maybe, they never feel like me. But, why should they not like me? Maybe, they do like me, but don't want to come close to me. I fail to understand why?
I'm clueless and hopeless. But, without hope, life has no meaning. I don't know what to hope for. Why is the future so unpredictable? Why do people believe in God? Is it something that cowards do, or can one gain wisdom through it? Is it pointless to believe in the Almighty, as it seems through logic? I don't believe in logical reasoning. But, I always reason logically, and I'm good at it. I don't know what I believe in, what my problem is. Maybe, I'm obsessed with myself. But, how do I get rid of this dark slumber?
I don't know where to end. So, I'll stop here, till I find answers to some of my questions.
posted by qanandam at 3/20/2006 11:40:00 PM
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